wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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