I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize