There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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