I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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