fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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