FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
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he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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