there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize