My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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