I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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