i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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