I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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