Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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