It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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