I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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