and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
there's paper in my vomit.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize