The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
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Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And then my night got REAL pukey
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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