You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize