I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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