i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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