You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
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If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
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I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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