All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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