2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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