I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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