I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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