R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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