thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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