they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
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Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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