is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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