if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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