After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
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Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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