I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I looked at my own cervix.
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i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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