Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I enjoy the company of your penis
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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