Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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