I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Two words: nipple clamps
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