He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
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the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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