It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
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I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you never un-have a 4some
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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