everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize