I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
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