Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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