last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize