all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize