Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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