dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
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after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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