piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize