Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize