Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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