we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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