well I can't set my house on fire every night
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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