somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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