I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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